A man who can cry is a man who has learned some secrets about intimacy. But sadly, for many men it takes something tragic or life-changing before they understand this truth. Here are a few ways you can tell if the man you love has trouble with intimacy or struggles to open up:

• He’s unable to discuss his feelings.
• He’s determined to avoid his feelings.
• He’s unable to express love, sorrow, or pain.
• He’s unable or unwilling to cry.
• He’s determined to make all situations into a joke.
• He’s determined to lighten the mood or change the topic when emotional issues are discussed.
• He physically leaves the room when emotional issues are discussed.
• He’s insensitive to the emotions of those around him.

Most men–unfortunately–do not undergo such traumatic experiences as the one described above. Yet many boys emerge from adolescence with a strong sense that being strong and unfeeling is the “masculine” thing to do. When a male brain is saturated in testosterone, it doesn’t take much, even from well-meaning family members, to give a boy the message that emotions and feelings are only for girls.